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The "Let's be drinking buddies!" Doctrine[edit | edit source]
Since one can never have too many drinking buddies, the Goon Order Of Neutral Shoving (herein referred to as "GOONS"), the New Polar Order (herein referred to as "NpO"), and the New Pacific Order (herein referred to as "NPO") agree, unless conditions outlined in section 2 and/or 4 come into effect, that they will go out and get drunk with each other at least 3 times a week. Drinking is fun!
Article I[edit | edit source]
Let's face it: We've all had our fair share of drunken ramblings. Friendly drunken ramblings are encouraged. However, regardless of why, the GOONS, NPO, and NpO agree that under no circumstances will they club one another over the head with a beer bottle. That's just outright not nice. Have you ever been hit with a beer bottle? That stuff hurts. Should a member of either alliance take it upon himself to do some clubbing of the other alliance, the alliance leaders are expected to take the others out for more drinks to make up for the hostility. What goes on in the pub stays in the pub.
Article II[edit | edit source]
While drunkenness may heighten one's paranoia, none of the alliances outlined above are permitted to engage in active espionage against the others. They also will not knowingly aid another's spying on anyone outlined in this doctrine. Active espionage will render this agreement null and void, and cause us to lose a drinking buddy or two, and none of us really want that.
Article III[edit | edit source]
If, for some reason, any of the parties outlined in this agreement should happen to get in a barfight, the other alliance(s) must decide to help their drinking buddy, either physically or financially. Have you ever seen one of your friends try to fight while drunk? It's not pretty. You gotta get more people in on that to give them a fair shot. Additionally, should anyone else decide to hit on YOUR girlfriend while you're drunk, and you wanna fight 'em, the other alliances in this doctrine must help you out. Gotta defend her honor and such.
Article IV[edit | edit source]
If any of the parties wish to stop being drinking buddies, there must be 5 last nights to go out and get completely plastered.
Signatures[edit | edit source]
For the New Pacific Order
9th Alliance Council of the New Pacific Order
- Dilber the Pantless Thunderbolt
Signed for the New Polar Order
Emperor of the New Polar Order:
- His Excellency Emperor of the New Polar Order, Fleet Admiral Doctor Electron Sponge, OBE, PHD, COD, ASAP, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea, Conqueror of the Antarctic Lands in General and Godwanaland in Particular, Also Hello.
Signed for the Goon Order Of Neutral Shoving
End of the Drinking Buddies[edit | edit source]
On September 9 the drinking buddies doctrine ended with the outbreak of the Fourth Great War, the New Pacific Order withdrew from the Drinking Buddies and the Goon Order of Neutral Shoving and the New Polar Order saw themselves on opposite sides of the war.
[edit | edit source]
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