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Pastrycide, a story by Shadow Slayer, was the second Random Insanity Alliance election tale. It was included in the announcement of their Thirty-fifth Cabinet on November 30, 2009.


In the world Cupcakery, there lived a smattering of ingredients in an encampment known as the Cupboard. It was a dark and despairing place. As drab as it was, the ingredients referred to it as their home—after all, what else did they have? The encampment was run by the Brownies. The Brownies did not let anyone leave—unless, that is, the ingredient was Chosen. Every month or so, an ingredient would be Chosen by the Brownies leader, Cocoa, to leave and become one with the Cake—a glorious place where the ingredients believed they would find eternal bliss. Whenever the Brownies announced that they had selected another ingredient to leave, every member of the Cupboard hoped that this time, the Brownies would choose them.

Life in the Cupboard had always been like this. Everyone did what they could to help the other ingredients get by, and although they hated being in the Cupboard, it became bearable. Cupboard life was routine. Nothing ever upset the balance of their world, or caused anyone great distress. One ingredient, by the name of Vanilla, was the favorite of the ingredients. Many ingredients wondered why he had not been Chosen by the brownies—they figured that if anyone had earned it, he had. Vanilla eventually became leader of the Cupboard, and worked to create a much more bearable life for all.

After many years, the day came when Vanilla was Chosen by the Brownies to become One with the Cake. Many were heartbroken to see him leave, but no one questioned his worth. The Brownies escorted him out of the Cupboard, and the gate was firmly shut behind them.

After leaving the Cupboard, Vanilla was brought to a group of other ingredients. He had never seen any of them before, which led him to suspect they had come from other encampments. They all looked excited to have been selected to become Chosen. The group was lead to a building, and each ingredient was placed in a room, and told that they had to wait in their rooms until called to become One with the Cake. As Vanilla patiently waited for his turn to come, he heard a whisper from his window. Curious, he glanced over—and saw Sprinkles, an Ingredient that had been Chosen when he was still young. Vanilla leaned over the windowsill, shocked.

"Why are you here? How are you not One with the Cake?" Vanilla asked. Sprinkles shushed him, and motioned for him to quickly climb through the window and join him outside the building. Puzzled, Vanilla obliged. Sprinkles then led Vanilla to a corner of the encampment, and explained to Vanilla what the Brownies were really doing.

Pastrycide, he said, was the process of taking parts from all the so called Chosen and combining them to form new Brownies. A millennia ago, the Brownies had been peaceful and coexisted with the ingredients, but were a desperate and dying race. Then, Cocoa had risen up to become their leader. They began to hunt ingredients for food, and make more Brownies. When almost all the Ingredients had been hunted to near extinction and the Brownies much more numerous, Cocoa had decided that the only way to successfully continue as a race would be to farm these ingredients by creating camps. They all agreed this was necessary, and set up the camps. The lie about Cake was born. When you were Chosen, they really were going to tear you apart and simply make more Brownies, Sprinkles revealed.

Vanilla was shocked. His entire life, everything he had believed about the Cake was a lie. He saw Pastrycide for what it truly was now—something sinister and evil. He swore to himself that he would stop it, at any cost. It was his duty, as the leader of his people.

"With your strength and my knowledge, we can break into the Cupboard and unite the other ingredients in an uprising against the Brownies," Sprinkles said."To do so though, we will need the Key to the encampment, held by Cocoa."

Sprinkles and Vanilla traveled to Cocoa's castle, and camped outside the walls. "I am much too old to climb these walls," Sprinkles told Vanilla. "You must do it yourself." Vanilla leapt up, and scaled the walls, entering the castle through a window. Soon he found the chest that held the Key to the encampments—Vanilla took it, and quickly returned to the window he had entered from. Cream Cheese Frosting was waiting for him though. She was beautiful, chosen by Cocoa to be his queen long ago Seeing Vanilla with the Key, she asked him "Why not stay with me here? Together we can overthrow Cocoa and take command of the Brownies. We can rule Cupcakery!" Although Cream Cheese Frosting was beautiful, Vanilla knew that beneath her physical looks, she was as sinister as Cocoa. He could not trust her. Without looking at or answering her, Vanilla dove through the window, and rushed off with Sprinkles.

Together, Vanilla and Sprinkles used the Key to sneak back into the Cupboard. There, they gathered all the ingredients. The members of the Cupboard were stunned; here were two of the Chosen, who were supposed to be One with the Cake. Why were they now standing in front of them? Then Vanilla and Sprinkles told them about Pastrycide. The ingredients were skeptical at first, but then they saw it as truth. They were enraged, and decided to take action. They rose up as a group and charged the Brownies, led by Vanilla. After a long fight, more and more camps were rescued from the Brownies' hold. The Brownies were enraged, and began to push the ingredients back. Vanilla and Sprinkles found Cocoa leading the charge, and singled him out in combat. During the fighting, he struck Sprinkles down—seeing this, Vanilla attacked back with renewed vigor, and vanquished Cocoa. Seeing their leader fall, the Brownies began to fall back, and flee. After many days of hard fighting, the ingredients won their freedom, albeit at great cost. There was much rejoicing, but then they asked—now what? They had been given the boons of truth and freedom. What was next? They looked to Vanilla, who said - Now, we build the New World.

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