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Gopher City Pippas FC
Motto:
For Queen and Country
Logo of Gopher City Pippas FC
Type Club
City Gopher City
Nickname(s) The Pips
Founded September 14, 2013
Ground The Pippery
Gopher City, Crisconia
Capacity: 16,947
League Liga Mundo
Manager Gopherbashi

Gopher City Pippas FC is a soccer team operating in Liga Mundo through the Xpert Eleven website. An application for expansion was submitted on July 31, 2013 and the team was approved for play on September 14 of the same year.

The Pippas currently play in Liga Mundo's Tercera Liga; their second season in that division. Their inaugural season saw a 8-3-5 record and a sixth place finish. Their manager is currently Peter McPiperton.

Season-by-Season Record

Season GP W D L Pts GF GA GD Finish Copa Cato Cup Finish
18th 16 8 3 5 27 33 18 +15 6th, Tercera Liga First Round First Round
19th 16 9 4 3 31 35 18 +17 4th, Tercera Liga First Round First Round
20th 16 7 6 3 27 43 19 +26 4th, Tercera Liga First Round First Round
21st 16 12 1 1 37 50 12 +38 1st, Tercera Liga First Round First Round

Season 17

As the Pippas were approved for play just prior to the conclusion of Liga Mundo's 17th season, no competitive matches were played. Instead, the Pips embarked on a "Friendly Tour" in a series of friendlies against other teams before the start of the next season.

Friendlies

Season 18

Friendlies

The Pippas played two friendly matchs during season 18, as they were invited to Harvard Island Base Stadium before the last week of the season to face the Secunda Liga's RMI Armed Forces FC. The match ended in a 3-1 victory for the Pippas, thanks to a pair of late goals. Their second friendly came a week later against Tercera Liga's Plymouth City FC. Though the season series ended in a draw, PCFC took the deciding match by a 3-1 margin.

Regular Season

The Pips began their inaugural season in Tercera Liga on October 10, 2013, and finished in 6th place out of nine teams but only five points behind the second-place promotion spot. The season ended with 8 wins and 3 draws, with 4 victories and 2 draws in the season series against other teams.

Copa Cato XI

The Pippas were seeded in last place (29th overall) for this competition, due to their position as an expansion team, and were therefore drawn against 4th-ranked Marseille FC. Despite scoring the first goal of the series and holding a resulting 18 minute lead, the Pippas lost both games and were eliminated from the cup.

UCFA Champions Cup I

The Pippas were entered into the inaugural edition of the reborn UCFA Champions Cup on December 18, 2013 as part of their membership in Liga Mundo. They were eliminated in the first round after a 2-0 loss to the Primera Liga Guajolotes.

Squad

Num Pos Name Age Skill GP Goals Asts Pts Booked Red card
1 GK Harold Wareing 30 6 13 0 0 0 0 0
26 GK Colbert Greenfield 30 6 0 0 0 0 0 0
21 GK Brent Gascoigne 19 5 7 0 0 0 0 0
2 D Arthur Ellington 31 7 17 2 3 5 3 1
13 D Neil Harrell 28 5 1 0 0 0 0 0
5 D Marv McDougald 26 7 16 0 1 1 2 0
4 D Freddy Spooner 25 8 16 1(1) 1 2(1) 0 0
23 D Cliff Gledhill 22 5 15 0 0 0 0 0
3 D Walton Beazley 21 5 14 0 1 1 1 0
28 D Kris Higginbottom 18 5 8 0 1 1 2 0
22 D Alf Horne 16 3 7 0 0 0 0 0
29 MF Vernon Regan 28 4 4 0 0 0 1 0
8 MF Brandon Bright 24 7 19 0 4 4 0 0
6 MF Hector Strevans 22 7 16 0 5 5 3 0
7 MF Luther Naylor 21 6 18 4 1 5 0 0
9 MF Monty Pierson 19 5 13 1 1 2 1 0
15 MF Lawrence Doyle 18 5 16 3 1 4 1 0
12 F Noel Folan 31 6 7 2 1 3 0 0
10 F Cal Jekyll 28 8 17 8 5(1) 13(1) 0 1
11 F Roderick Ling 23 6 18 8 1 9 1 0
17 F Laurence Wellens 22 5 13 4 1 5 0 0
20 F Herbert Haysbert 17 4 5 1 3 4 1 0

Player Transfers

Oct. 29 / 2013: Brent Gascoigne (GK)
Nov. 07 / 2013: Alf Horne (D)
Dec. 15 / 2013: Kris Higginbottom (D)
Dec. 30 / 2013: Herbert Haysbert (F)
Jan. 03 / 2014: Colbert Greenfield (GK)

Press Releases

Haysbert gets first goal, second injury 2014-01-15 17:42

Gopher City Pippas FC newest prospect, 17-year-old rookie striker Herbert Haysbert, notched his first Liga Mundo goal in last week's match against the powerhouse London Qwoppers, despite going on to get injured for the second straight game.

"Wooooo, 100% injury rate!" Haysbert was quoted as saying at a recent press conference, while Pippas manager Peter McPiperton hurriedly wrapped the future star forward in layer upon layer of bubblewrap. "Uhh, nothing to see here folks," McPiperton quickly responded to the media, "just, er, some last minute form training."

Meanwhile, an unnamed team spokesman was quick to quell any rumours that the Pippas were employing unsafe training practices.

"Look, all we're trying to do is make sure that Haysbert is healthy enough to get some decent playing time for once... His skills simply aren't going to upgrade if he's stuck on the bench because he tripped over a brick or broke a nail. I've yet to see a scientific study that says bubblewrap is deadly... It's 98% air, for God's sake, how could he possibly choke to death?"

In unrelated news, rumours have surfaced that team ownership is in talks with BubbleCo, Crisconia's largest bubblewrap manufacturer, regarding naming rights for the Pippa's home stadium next season.


Haysbert uninjured, Jekyll scores 4 2014-01-21 16:46

The Gopher City Pippas celebrated their greatest victory in league history Thursday night, as 17-year-old rookie striker Herbert Haysbert remained uninjured for an entire 87 minutes before being substituted for teammate Laurence Wellens.

"This is a definite high-point in our team's existence", said Pippas manager Peter McPiperton, "and we have our wonderful sponsors at BubbleCo to thank for it. Surely a victory this monumental deserves to get us, oh, let's say an extra 5 points in the standings?"

McPiperton shrugged off suggestions of non-regulation safety equipment by claiming Haysbert's body was naturally giant-roll-of-bubblewrap-shaped.

"Besides, it's not like he even scored a goal," McPiperton went on to say. "Cal someone-or-other... Jake? Jekyll? Yeah, that's it. 4 or 5 goals? Not sure, I lost count at some point. We completely steamrolled them; it's like the other manager never even showed up."


Pippas end season on 5-game win streak 2014-02-09 09:57

The Gopher City Pippas FC ended their inaugural season on a high note, boasting a five-game winning streak headed into the off-season despite a sixth place finish in Tercera Liga.

"Aye, our final place in the league table was a wee bit disappointing," Pippas manager Peter McPiperton responded when prompted by the media, at a press conference that coincided with National Montgomery Scott Impersonation Day. "We were aiming for fifth place in the standings, but we were giving her all she's got, captain. When you look at how close things were in the middle of the pack... only five points separated us from second place. I'm not ashamed of how we did in the slightest."

The Pippas finished with an 8-3-5 record, and despite winning 4 season series and tying another two, questions remain about the Pippas ability to hold their own against solid competition.

"Sure, three of those series victories were against teams that were never a factor in competition, and River Plate focused on training their youth for the last game of the season," McPiperton went on to say. "But our only two series losses came against the top two teams in the league. We never lost a game by more than two goals, and we managed to remain competitive with teams around us in the standings."

Nevertheless, things looked grim for the Pippas during the middle part of the season, as a six-game winless streak knocked them down from third place in the standings.

"Those two games against Estrella Roja were definitely the turning point in the season," McPiperton said. "We had beaten them in a pre-season friendly, so we were optimistic about our chances against them. Losing to them in both matches was disheartening to say the least."

The final standings show just how important those two matches were. A win in only one of those games would've given the Pippas 30 points and third place in the standings.

Looking ahead, McPiperton sees bright things for the future.

"I have here in my hand a list of players whose skill has improved over the last season," McPiperton told the media, as the nation also celebrated Joseph McCarthy Impersonation Day. "Half of the team is on this list. It would've been more, too, if [Herbert] Haysbert hadn't decided to trip over the penalty box in half his games."

Haysbert, only 17 years old, wasn't the only youth prospect to whose skill hadn't visibly improved by the end of the season. Fellow striker 22-year-old Laurence Wellens remained stuck at 5 skill, as did 18-year-old defender Kris Higginbottom. 22-year-old midfielder Hector Strevans also caused some disappointment by remaining at 7 skill.

In other news, Pippas management confirmed today that BubbleCo, Crisconia's leading supplier of bubble wrap, had secured naming rights for the Pippery for the upcoming season. This comes as no surprise to league insiders, as youth striker Haysbert had been seen wrapped in their products for the past six weeks to protect him from the outside world.

Season 19

Friendlies

Regular Season

Copa Cato XII

UCFA Champions Cup II

The Pippas entered the second edition of the UCFA Champions Cup with a first-round matchup against the reigning Primera Liga champions of Dynamo Dorpat. Despite a hard-fought match, the Pippas were finally downed by an 87th-minute goal off a freekick.

Squad

Num Pos Name Age Skill GP Goals Asts Pts Booked Red card
1 GK Harold Wareing 31 7 3 0 0 0 0 0
13 GK Theo Kullström 26 9 9 0 0 0 0 0
21 GK Brent Gascoigne 20 6 9 0 0 0 1 0
4 D Arthur Ellington 32 7 16 3 (1) 3 6 1 0
13 D Neil Harrell 29 5 0 0 0 0 0 0
16 D Marv McDougald 27 8 12 0 0 0 2 0
3 D Freddy Spooner 26 9 14 1 2 3 3 0
2 D Cliff Gledhill 23 6 16 2 0 2 3 0
5 D Walton Beazley 22 6 15 0 0 0 1 0
6 D Kris Higginbottom 19 5 10 0 2 2 1 0
15 D Alf Horne 17 4 8 0 1 1 2 0
26 MF Ionel Cozac 29 9 5 0 3 3 1 0
29 MF Vernon Regan 29 4 0 0 0 0 0 0
19 MF Brandon Bright 25 8 14 2 1 3 0 1
7 MF Hector Strevans 23 7 14 2 4 (1) 6 4 0
8 MF Luther Naylor 22 7 15 3 5 8 0 0
14 MF Monty Pierson 20 6 18 1 3 4 1 0
10 MF Lawrence Doyle 19 6 15 1 3 4 1 1
12 F Noel Folan 32 5 5 0 1 1 0 0
17 F Cal Jekyll 29 9 15 9 2 11 3 0
9 F Roderick Ling 24 7 16 9 1 10 2 1
11 F Laurence Wellens 23 5 14 2 1 3 0 0
20 F Herbert Haysbert 18 4 12 0 1 1 1 0

Player Transfers

Feb. 23 / 2014: Vernon Regan (MF)
Mar. 04 / 2014: Neil Harrell (D)
Mar. 26 / 2014: Theo Kullström (GK)
May 15 / 2014: Ionel Cozac (MF)

Press Releases

Pippas put Doges title run at risk 2014-02-20 19:30

The Gopher City Pippas FC put the recently relocated Norway Doges on notice today that their record-breaking sixth run at a Wooden Spoon would not be a walkover. "We sent them a strong message today," Pippas manager Peter McPiperton told media. "Our team forced them into scoring two goals, and we almost suckered them into making it a 3-3 tie in the 60th minute, except that their striker decided to use the soccer ball for some zumba practice when he hit the penalty area."

"We'll get him next time."

This was the first time since October 11, 2012 that the Doges have scored 2 goals in a single match. In unrelated news, the family of Pippas manager Peter McPiperton have been taken to an undisclosed location for what unnamed sources describe as "protection and/or waterboarding."


Pips beat Roja with new keeper 2014-03-27 18:30

The Gopher City Pippas FC defeated Estrella Roja by a 1-0 margin today, as newly-recruited 26-year-old keeper Theo Kullström made his team debut.

"We had a great team effort today," Pippas manager Peter McPiperton said to the media after the game. "Theo only had one shot against him, but we were impressed with what we saw nonetheless. We're looking forward to him being a force on this team for years to come."

Kullström will take over as the Pip's starter from 31-year-old Harold Wareing, who has been with the team since it's inception. "Harry's been a great asset to this team over the past number of seasons," McPiperton said, "but we needed to make changes to compete at the higher level we wanted to be at. We had some discussions with Harry about his future here, and he told us that he'd prefer to remain with the club rather than be transferred elsewhere. He'll become our new goaltending coach and stay on the roster until the end of the season.

The Pippas are currently in second place in Tercera Liga, and play their next match against the first-place Plymouth City FC next Thursday.


Pippas snub River Plate in injury time 2014-05-22 21:01

The Gopher City Pippas played spoiler once again today, as star forward Cal Jekyll came off the bench to score two late goals - including one in injury time - to snatch a 2-1 victory and prevent River Plate from clinching a promotion spot.

"Plate had lost one game all season," Pippas manager Peter McPiperton drunkenly said to the media. "I had absolutely no expectation of winning this game, that's why I left after we went down 1-0 after the first minute. What was the final score? 6 or 7-0?"

Pippas former starting goalkeeper and current goalkeeping coach, Harold Wareing, was lauded by the media for stepping up and leading the team to victory. "I was willing to give Peter's strategy the benefit of the doubt for the first half, but why would I keep Cal [Jekyll] off for the whole game? Was he just trying to get the younger guys some playing time?"

River Plate's aspirations seem assured, however, as third-place Estrella Roja would need to win their last three matches with a goal differential of +23 to knock River Plate out of the promotion zone.


Hig assists twice, avoids noose 2014-06-06 22:01

19-year-old Pippas prospect Kris Higginbottom narrowly avoided a date with the gallows after scoring an own goal in the team's crucial match against the TNFR Twilight Titans FC earlier this week.

"Honestly though, I don't see why security would allow our team's fans to bring gallows-making materials into the stadium," Higginbottom told media after the game. "Someone could get seriously injured with those."

The Gopher City Pippas FC were leading 2-0 in the 57th minute when the rookie defender made a pass back to veteran keeper Theo Kullström, who covered his eyes and span around doing a pirouette.

"Yeah, I've got no idea why the hell he did that. Damn wanker," Higginbottom went on.

Fans were visibly agitated after the event, and began constructing the gallows six minutes later after the Titans evened the score at 2-2.

"They started pointing to the gallows and saying things like 'we're going to string you up by your balls' and so on," Higginbottom explained. "Overall, it didn't help my self-esteem after the goal and I really wish they would've adopted a more supportive tone with some constructive criticism maybe."

Luckily for Higginbottom, he set up striker Roderick Ling for a goal four minutes later that put the Pippas ahead for good. Fans dejectedly took down the gallows, but used the pieces to engage in an impromptu jousting match, sending 14 to hospital.

In other news, HRH Pippa Middleton introduced a bill to Parliament today which would revoke medical coverage in cases of stupidity, saying "I can't believe we're paying for this bullshit."


Pippas win European Grandmother award 2014-06-19 20:49

The Gopher City Pippas FC captured the European Grandmother award, for being beaten with a wooden spoon.

Sporting their revolutionary three-keeper forward line, the nine-man Pippas held the ten-man Norway Doges to a nil-nil draw, breaking their 86-game losing streak and shaming the team into earning its first point in five seasons. Not only did this give the Pippas the worst record against the Wooden Spoon winners this season, but they were also the only team to concede goals to the Doges; having allowed two in the first game of the season.

"Sure, we could have easily rolled over the Doges and finished in third place," Pippas manager Peter McPiperton told the media after the game, "but what's the fun in that? Anyone can steamroll the Doges, but it takes true talent, skill, and commitment to force the Doges into something they don't want - success - and that's far more of an accomplishment than finishing third would've been."

With the draw, the Pippas finished in fourth place, 3 points behind the promotion zone, and losing out to the newcomers in TNFR Twilight Titans FC on goal differential for third place overall.

Season 20

Friendlies

Regular Season

Copa Cato XIII

UCFA Champions Cup III

Squad

Num Pos Name Age Skill GP Goals Asts Pts Booked Red card
1 GK Theo Kullström 27 9 11 0 0 0 1 0
21 GK Brent Gascoigne 21 7 8 1 0 1 1 0
4 D Arthur Ellington 33 7 15 1 2 3 2 0
16 D Marv McDougald 28 8 14 1 0 1 2 0
3 D Freddy Spooner 27 9 15 0 1 1 0 0
2 D Cliff Gledhill 24 7 17 0 0 0 1 0
5 D Walton Beazley 23 6 13 0 2 2 0 0
6 D Kris Higginbottom 20 6 12 0 0 0 1 0
15 D Alf Horne 18 5 9 0 2 2 2 0
26 MF Ionel Cozac 30 10 16 4 6 10 0 0
19 MF Brandon Bright 26 8 15 2 4 6 1 0
7 MF Hector Strevans 24 8 12 2 1 3 3 0
8 MF Luther Naylor 23 7 18 6 3 9 0 0
14 MF Monty Pierson 21 6 12 4 1 5 0 0
10 MF Lawrence Doyle 20 7 12 1 3 4 1 0
12 F Noel Folan 33 4 2 0 0 0 0 0
17 F Cal Jekyll 30 9 15 10 2 12 1 0
22 F Archibaldo Oliver 27 8 12 0 2 2 0 0
9 F Roderick Ling 25 7 13 4 1 5 1 0
11 F Laurence Wellens 24 6 10 3 2 5 0 0
20 F Herbert Haysbert 19 4 10 4 5 9 1 0

Player Transfers

June 30 / 2014: Archibaldo Oliver (F)
July 02 / 2014: Harold Wareing (GK)

Press Releases

(None)

Season 21

Friendlies

Regular Season

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