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Merge notice This alliance merged to become part of the ARSE. Merger occurred on/around January 13, 2009 More info is available here. |
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This alliance article would be more organized if it used an infobox. |
Overview[]
Desperate economic times call for desperate measures. The Corporation of Serious Business provides a cost-effective solution for positioning itself as the premier alliance obsessively focused on marketplace penetration and global delivery. In short, we're delivering the goods. Yeah baby, that's right. Metadaddy for your Main Entry.
We leverage years of cybernations experience with plenty of chubby-chaser "know how". What started out in a small van, has now grown to corporate proportions. It is our belief that more serious alliances are spARSE. Our initial proof of concept has been refined until we have achieved our core fundamentals that are steeped in tradition and proved effective in the global marketplace.
But enough about that. My name is Carlton, and I'll be your guide today. Why yes, I am rather handsome aren't I? And while I'm showing you around the public areas of the corporation, feel free to ask any questions, and also keep track of how many times I use the word ARSE cleverly disguised in other verbal discourse.
You'll have to excuse me, I haven't rehearsed my dialog for this tour, so if anything is vague, please let me know. Let's get started shall we?
Our Mission Statement[]
The mission statement of the Corporation of Serious Business is one that is continually being refined further and further by our engineers. Currently, we pride ourselves in the simplistic "Meat on Demand (MOD)" mission statement, but we have plans to develop that into something even more spectacular.
Our Products[]
As I like to say, our chief export is pain! But seriously folks, over the coarse or the founding of the Corporation of Serious Business, we have developed some real quality stuff. Our goal-orientated corporate solutions combine flexibility, rigidity, solidity and liquidity to provide Business Partners with rewarding initiatives in the areas of Finance, Employee Targeting and Time Management, allowing old and new businesses to maximize their potential for returns whilst ensuring that existing methods of IT-based information and resource management retain investment.
Our products meet all recognized quality assurance targets, and are backed by levels of support that will ensure fondness and warmth in today’s competitive formulations.
Call our Product Dispersal Team today for an information pack detailing our range of assets and resources designed for your key business areas.
Our flagship product is a distributed wireless analysis platform using pattern matching techniques and parallel computation, that enables companies to quickly analyze large stores of data on-demand 24/7/365. Utilizing this proprietary system, The corporation of Serious Business (CSB) aims to dominate the data analysis market by leveraging its arsenal of unmatched efficiency and accuracy skills.
Excuse me for a moment, won't you? No sir, I'm afraid I can't help you with your Balony Pony.
We have also developed technology that translates the popular interweb slang into a diverse set of target languages:
Translated from moonspeak to English[]
You are making out with your girlfriend when suddenly the phone rings. You pick up and ask, "Hello?" The voice on the other end says "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH MY DAUGHTER??" You ask your girlfriend how her dad got the number, but your girlfriend says her father's been dead for three years. THEN WHO WAS ON THE PHONE?
Translated from English to Ebonics[]
You makin' out wit yo bitch when da fone rings. You say "Wassup" and dat nigga on the other end say "Nigga, what the *&^% you doin' wit my daughter!?" Then yo &*^$% say "My dad got a cap in his @$$" THEN WHO THE *&)$ WAS ON DA FONE?
Translated from English to Nazi-speak[]
Also du machst mit deiner Freundin herum, als das Telefon plötzlich klingelt. Du gehst ran und die Stimme am Telefon sagt: "WAS MACHST DU DA MIT MEINER TOCHTER?" Aber dann erzählt dir deine Freundin, dass ihr Vater schon seit drei Jahren tot ist. ABER WER WAR DANN AM TELEFON?
Translated from English back to moonspeak[]
You with yo babe and you makin out when motorola ring. You answer it and it say "What are yuo doin with my son/" then yo babe said "my dad has died" then who was motorola?
He folks, Carlton here! If at any time you want to make a suggestion to the corporation, you can feel free to use our feedback form! Here's a copy:
Our Facility[]
We purchased our facility in 2008 from a faith-based organization. While we are satisfied with the amenities, we are having some minor problems with local hooligans. We expect this will change when our design team finishes our new corporate logo.
We're sorry, but corporate policy dictates, no furrys on the premises. Sir, this includes you.
The Break Room[]
Don't do drugs!
Frequently Arseked Questions[]
Q: Does yiff induce procreation?
A: No.
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