Jarkko Salomäki

Jarkko Hannu Salomäki (b. 20 May 1983) is the Canadian-born Tribal Chief (Finn. Heimopäämies) of Uralica, once member nation of the Christian Coalition of Countries and now member nation of The Order Of Light. It was originally his idea to bring members of all the Uralic ethnicities together under one banner, which led to the Uralicist Movement and inevitably the formation of the nation Uralica when he and members of the academic and/or social elite of the other ethnicities banded together in Komi land around the city of Syktyvkar. When voting for councillors, he votes within the "Finn" ethnic group, since he is half-Finnish by ethnic group, with his father being a prominent Sointula Finn. Since becoming leader of Uralica he has become fluent in all three major languages of Uralica - English, Finnish, and Russian - as well as Plautdietsch and claims to want to learn all 27 other languages spoken in the nation due to his keen interest in languages and linguistics. A recent spate of tests he has done shows he has base knowledge in eight of these - Hungarian, Komi, Karelian, Estonian, Nenets, Udmurt, Veps, and Permyak. He also speaks French, German, and Bashkir.

Jarkko and the Military
He held the field rank of Captain in the CCC's "Knights Templar" military order after his leadership and willingness to aid another CCC nation during the Ionized-Jelly War. This meant that he was, for the purposes of the Knights Templar, third on the chain of command behind Grand Master Max Sage and then-Minister of Defence The Kaiser. This was between the end of the Ionized-Jelly War on 3 April 2008, and 7 May 2008, when a restructuring of the military orders of the CCC meant he became a "Knight Hospitaller." He was given the rank of Captain again on 11 May by Hospitaller Grand Master Bolak, and three days later, The Kaiser offered him the Grand Master job for the Knights Templar, which he was quick to accept. On 8 July 2008, Jarkko was named the CCC's Minister of Defence, only the third person to hold the position.

In The Order Of Light, this experience would quickly garner him the rank of Epsilon Regiment Lieutenant, although Uralica had never been in the NS range of that particular regiment. After fighting two wars against four opponents for TOOL, and because of his past experience and commitment to TOOL security, he was appointed to the TOOL Inquisition, a section of the government committed to precisely that.

Jarkko's Other Involvements in His Alliances
He was CCC's Minister of Records, meaning it is his role to keep member lists up-to-date and to keep backups of all CCC documents on-hand. He maintains an ambassador list for the CCC as well.

He was also CCC's ambassador to 3 alliances - The Order of Light, The German Empire, and the Orange Defense Network. However he was naturally not at the headquarters 24/7, and has appointed three representatives to take care of more mundane matters and to notify him of anything more pressing.

Finally, he was a point of co-ordination between the militaries of the CCC and her allies, the New Polar Order.

He is always willing to lend a hand in other areas as well, and this willingness is shared by his people. There were temporary refugee camps set up near Trakt at KingJarkko's order when Long Rifle was attacked in the A Tale Of Two Ghosts campaign.

When Uralica dissolved, Jarkko went missing for three months, but re-emerged as a member of The Order Of Light, the alliance he once went to as a diplomat. In his new alliance, Jarkko is more involved in non-military engagements, most notably in foreign affairs. He was assigned as diplomat to four alliances within two days of his re-emergence, and within a month he became Deputy Hand of Foreign Affairs, serving under Salmia of Earthly Heaven. He was elected to February 2009's Council of Light and has served as ambassador to eight alliances overall as a TOOL member, although one of these assignments only lasted two days due to a clerical error.

Jarkko Away From Politics
A fan and player of soccer (football), he is a left-back for Sikkivukarin Palloseura (SiPS), having first been named to the team on 10 June 2008. He also captained the Uralican men's national football team to a semifinal appearance in the Alliance Cup before they lost against Transvaal. Along with Diedrik Siemens and Khavkuk Shlomov, he has made the most appearances all-time for the nationals.

He also enjoys all the other "regular" spectator sports in Uralica - ice hockey, team handball, tennis, basketball, and winter solo sports, most notably speed skating and biathlon, the latter of which he sometimes partakes in. KingJarkko is also an avid musician, novellist, and poet, and composed the music to the Uralilainen Laulu, Uralica's national anthem. He has a pet cat named "Ruutu" (diamond), named for the white diamond on his forehead, and his home in the Nizhnyy Chov district of Syktyvkar also borders on a bird sanctuary which is home to many Eurasian Eagle-Owls, which he contributes to financially.

Personality
KingJarkko has a rather eccentric personality, due in part to his Asperger Syndrome condition, but always tries to be friendly. He is known to come up with odd terms for things ("tapping-up" for attempting to recruit a member who is already part of an alliance, "going shotgun" for declaring peace with an enemy aggressor without being ordered to do so, "hoolie" for a CN bully in general, and so forth) and can also come up with some obscure jokes that often end up backfiring on him, usually resulting in him getting a nickname. The best examples of this are "Simon" (from a bad CastleVania joke) and "Pizza" (from talking about a little-known Norwegian football (soccer) club that makes its own pizza).

When in charge of combatants, he is known for being quite strict. He likes to do things "by the book," and to disobey an order usually brings about a serious tongue-lashing from the Uralican Chief. However, he is also known to praise noteworthy combatants, with examples from the past having been l1jake1 of La Fleur and CVTWayne of Hintonia.

When doing the actual fighting, he is feared for having "a nasty streak longer than the Volga." Much the same as he wants his orders followed when in command, Jarkko always makes sure his actions are square with his commander's orders, as well as the charter of the alliance he's in. He also prefers to attack at night, and this fact combined with his almost predatory nature has garnered him the nickname, "Huuhkaja," which is Finnish for "eagle-owl," a nocturnal bird of prey that has range throughout most of Uralica and is the national bird. However, this mean streak has also garnered him the contempt of some, who call him "That Bloodthirsty Finn," although few who call him that are from nations that still exist. He is rumoured to have ordered five top aides to the Ionicion dictator, Ionizer, executed as retaliation for the deaths of 221 Mennonite civilians in Pazhga, since Ionizer himself had fled the nation. (It was later found out that Ionizer was killed near Long Rifle, having been mauled by a female polar bear.)

Jarkko is fiercely loyal to his allies. He even went so far as to call alliances that had at least MDPs with the CCC "brothers and sisters." He has a particular fondness for the New Polar Order, and feels a certain kinship with KingRich of Blancos Dos, who is also both a military official and a diplomat. He also has soft spots for several other alliances, generally ones that act honorably. Although he is no longer a member of the CCC, he still takes an active interest in their progress, and this has even led to a war being fought by Uralica.

See: Operation: Guardian Angel

Jarkko has no official animus against any existing alliance, however he is rumoured not to like rogue alliances.

Interview With The Eagle-Owl
In a recent interview, he listed a few of his favourite things:

Favourite...

...activities: squashing rogues, helping his alliance, making his nation stronger, executing Midnight Surprises, making new friends, trolling idiots. ...colours: blue, green, white, gold. ...animals: cats, Siberian tigers, eagle-owls, and lynxes. ...soccer (football) team: Sikkivukarin Palloseura. ...hockey teams: HK Jokerit, HK Syktyvkar. ...place: The Filharmonia in Syktyvkar. ...music: Classical, Christian metal, symphonic electronica. ...hobbies: making music in any way form or fashion, playing football (soccer), biathlon. ...musical instrument: besides his computer, the gigantic pipe organ in the Filharmonia. (Is also an avid metal keyboardist/guitarist, bass-clarinetist, and percussionist) ...woman: the only hint he's given is that her initials are LS. (Although he has been rumoured to have taken a fancy to one of a number of female diplomats as well!)

Nicknames

 * "The Edgecrusher" - a fondness for heavy metal, his vicious nature in battle, and his undying loyalty and zeal towards both nation and alliance, have garnered him this nickname from the Fear Factory song "Edgecrusher" and its associated character.
 * "Huuhkaja" - "The Eagle-Owl," an admiring nickname given him by Uralican Finns (and Uralicans in general) because of his viciousness in battle and his tendency to attack at night.
 * "Pit Bull" - his aggression and ruthless streak earned Jarkko this nickname outside of Uralica. (Uralicans prefer to identify their Chief with their nation's national bird because of his tendency to attack at night.) First given by Themistocles.
 * "That Bloodthirsty Finn" - an insult from the people of the now-destroyed nation of Ionicion.
 * "The Human Battle Droid" - a reference to how Jarkko seems to have no sense of humour in any battle situation (and sometimes other situations as well). Sometimes used as a compliment in insinuating that certain people like that he's "all business" in battle.
 * "Pizza" - one of KJ's odder nicknames, given him by Salmacis after a bad series of jokes which led to the Uralican ruler talking randomly about a football team in Norway (Harstad IL) that makes its own pizza.
 * "Mr. I Like Headdesking" (MILH for short) - since Jarkko seems to like to respond to lame jokes or bad situations with "headdesking," he earned this moniker from fellow TOOLie "KingsIndian"
 * "Jarkko Failomäki"
 * "Jarkkopedia"

Quotable Quotes

 * "The only people I've ever called enemies are those who have disrespected my alliance, and those that have actually survived count themselves VERY lucky."
 * "Congratulations. You just spawned a new internet meme."
 * "If you hadn't filled our war slot in the first place, you wouldn't have this problem!"
 * "Suomeksi, pyydän. 'N-ymmärrä alypänkieli." (Uralican Finnish slang: "Finnish please. I don't understand idiot-speak.")
 * "TONIGHT WE DINE WITH CHRIST!!!"
 * "What part of 'I'm committed' don't people seem to understand???"
 * "I told him to attack someone who deserved it, but he didn't listen. NOBODY EVER LISTENS!!"
 * "What kind of Edgecrusher would I be if I wasn't just a little bit of a bloodthirsty skullslacker?"
 * "I've killed so many ghosts that I might as well be called CN's version of The Exorcist!"
 * "Did I come at a bad time?"