Don't Panic Edition 27

Don't Panic #27
I never know what to put for these openings, sometimes I do a fancy quote, or other times I say an inspirational word or two. Other times still, I tease about events of the past or try to make a short summary about the contents of the newsletter, cramming them into a paragraph and a half. However, this time I think I’ll try something totally new, I’ll just say “Go!”

Triumvir Elections
By: Dynasty

This month we saw our beloved and long time Triumvir, Crushtania, step down as Triumvir after a beautiful speech. Not long after, nominations opened and FearUnited, Scutterbug, Diablofan, and Draden Valerianovich all nominated to try to fill Crushtania’s big shoes as Triumvir. Before long campaigns started, and a few nominees withdrew. There were IRC debates and loads of question and answer sessions. Both sides made signatures and lead aspiring campaigns, as Diablofan and Draden were the only ones to not withdraw. After an intense election, Draden Valerianovich was declared the winner with 61% of the vote. As such we’d like to say thank-you to all the candidates for running, and a congratulations for Draden for winning the election, may you lead us well!

Ministry Changes
By: Dynasty

Talk about change! Our upper government has changed so much this month that it’s amazing! First, since Jadoo1989 got bumped up to Triumvir last month, that caused there to be a new Minister of Bad Poetry, that of majorddf. Then with the long time Minister and Deputy Minister of Bad Poetry stepping down, that of Scytale, he had to be replaced, and he was replaced by none other than, Tyler Mattinglyb! Before long Crushtania, our long time Triumvir announced he wasn’t running for re-election as Triumvir, his spot was filled by our Former Minister of Towels, Draden Valerianovich. Then since Draden Valerianovich got elected as a Triumvir, the entire economics department got all shifted about too. Nath1194 got appointed as the new Minister of Towels. Even the deputy of the department changed, from that of Iamrecognized to that of TheUltimate747 (aka Khrushchev). After all the appointments and elections, our government ended up looking something like:

Triumvirate: Pourquoi, Jadoo1989, Draden Valerianovich


 * Minister of Hitchhikers (Members): rblount27
 * Deputy: Niu Garzukk
 * Minister of Towels (Economy): Nath1194
 * Deputy: TheUltimate747 (aka Khrushchev)
 * Minister of BabelFish (Diplomacy): KingCJC
 * Deputy: yankeefan2
 * Minister of Bad Poetry (Communications): Majorddf
 * Deputy: Tyler Mattinglyb
 * Minister of Destructor Fleets (War): pudge1975
 * Deputy: Espressoville


 * Speaker of the HHA: WCR
 * Legislator of the HHA: Dynasty

MHA in CN:TE
By: Dynasty

Many may know that in CN there is the Mostly Harmful Alliance. While we aren’t officially connected to them, a lot of our players do play CN:TE in that alliance. However, we have done something new. We have band together our elite, our few, and our proud, and crammed them into one, small, yet elite CN:TE Alliance. This alliance is known as Destructor Fleets.

Interview with Majorddf
This Month Scytale Conducted an Interview with our newest Minister of Bad Poetry, Majorddf:

 Congrats on becoming Minister of Bad Poetry. Any bad poetry you’d like to share? Maybe something about pie?

 Hmmm Pie Crust, 6 weeks old Crumbly and yellow Texture of muck, tastes like bellows

How that?

 pretty bad... lol What was your reason for wanting the Minister position of Bad Poetry?

 there were a couple actually when the chance to head it came up I just couldnt resist the competition was tough though, it was a real pleasant surprise when I recieved the PM saying I was in
 * 1) 1 was wanting to get stuck straight back in to things after an enforced absence due to RL pressures
 * 2) 2 was that I saw a lot of interesting things going on in the ministry, and wanted to be a part of it

 Any reason involving pie?

 ah rumbled! i discovered that there was a secret apple pie stash behind a hidden panel in the misterial desk the only way I could get at it was to get the position of minister

 Where? I don't remember this...

 Jadoo must have installed it crafty begger

 Nuts, I missed it.

 come by some time, I can give you a slice. You can think of it as a perk of being an ex MOBP!

 Do you like pie or cake?

 always pie, as the cake is a lie some more free bad poetry take it its yours

 What kind of pie do you like?

 oooh thats a tough one but I think it would have to be my mums homebaked apple and blackcurrant pie

 Mmmmm.... sounds good

 whenever the chips are down, that stuff picks me straight back up again lol

<Scytale> If said pie was running for Trium, would you vote for it?

<Majorddf> depends who Pie was running against... but most likely yes as Pie>then everything except possibly Pudge

<Scytale> Against you.

<Majorddf> then yes Pie is far superior in comparison to me

<Scytale> Lol If the world was about to end like in the movie 2012, what type of pie would you be eating?

<Majorddf> Lady Pie

<Scytale> nice!

<Majorddf> hey if I am going out, I am going out with a smile on my face

<Scytale> Final question. If pie was forbidden, what would you do?

<Majorddf> go underground and start up a chain of 'bake-easys' good entertainment, good company and tasty pie plus, forbidden fruit pie is the best kind

<Final Words> So it’s confirmed, Major likes pie and pie would likely win the election for Trium unless faced against Pudge. You heard it first on the Don’t Panic, folks!

Movie Review
By: Diablofan

Well, since I did one last issue, I might as well do one again and keep it going. So, for this review, I decided to watch Star Trek, the one that came out in May this year. I decided to watch this movie for the review, even though someone recommended I watch New Moon *shutters*, personally I hate the Twilight series, but I digress. Anyway, I watched that movie again after not watching it since it was in theaters. So, I decided to get a Blu-Ray quality copy of it. Okay, so the movie basically is about the Birth of Kirk, how he got into Star Fleet, and how he met Spock. However, from what I can tell, the movie takes place in an alternate time line. Anyway, this was a very good movie in my opinion. Action right from the gate, nice back story filling of Kirk and Spocks past, in this new time line, how they met in the time line. Very good movie in my opinion. I would buy it, Blu Ray quality especially, very nice picture and sound quality.

How to make the perfect Gin and Tonic
By: Pourquoi

Seeing as how I got more feedback from my previous article on the best Gin than I've had on any other article for DP - or anything I've written in real life for that matter - I came to two conclusions. 1) The MHA is clearly an alliance of alcoholics. 2) I should do an article on gin & tonic recipes.

And here it is. Firstly though, I would like to go back to my last article and add an extra review. At the time I covered Bombay Sapphire, Tanqueray, Plymouth and Gordon's. Since then though a fellow bartender suggested I try Beefeater London Dry Gin. So I did, and I have to admit, it was good. Not overly impressive, lacking in strength and complexity, but for a good old pint of G&T it was very drinkable. So, I'd like to go back and conclude that: If you want a complex Gin, go for Tanqueray. If you want a harder hitting one go for Gordon's. If you want an alround drinkable one, go for Beefeater.

Now then, this article was supposed to be somewhat educational in nature - instructing novices on how to make a G&T. For the benefit of space, this will have to be cut back somewhat. Instead, I grace every reader with the following advice: Get yourself a glass. If it's a pint glass follow the 'Best Pint G&T' instructions, a highball glass follow the 'Best Highball G&T' etc.

Some general advice though I cannot stress how important those things are. Anyhoo, got your ingredients, got your glass, follow the instructions below and enjoy!
 * Buy your gin from supermarkets or specialist retailers - they'll have the best range and prices.
 * Get a couple of lemons and limes.
 * Make sure your tonic is fresh! Invest in tins of tonic (or small bottles ~150ml) if you're going to have one or two a night, only buy (big ~1l+) bottles if you're going to drink the whole thing in one go.
 * Make sure you have plenty of ice!

isolde's recipe: 1. Cut a lemon slice and squeeze it into the glass, to get out all its oil and juice and after this put it at the bottom of the glass 2. Fill with ice cubes till the edges of the glass 3. Squeeze a half lemon above of the ice cubes. Wait for 30 secs. 4. Fill the 1/3 of the glass with Gin 5. Fill the rest of glass with Tonic 6. Gently stir the mixture with the knife you have cut the lemon
 * Best Pint G&T

- This really is an excellant method. I tried it once with Beefeater and once with Gordon's, both were really nice. I think the Beefeater edged it overall as just plain more drinkable. I've had many pints of gin of tonic before, and I have to say this one was probably the best. So long as I have a lemon lying around this is the only way I'll be making my pint sized gin and tonics in future. Pleasantly sweet yet stable in taste. The lemon didn't overwhelm the drink as I'd feared. It might be that I'm currently really into lemon, but I did enjoy this a lot. 5/5

Dovedale Pub (my local) Recipe: Place a lime at the bottom of a highball glass half fill with ice 35ml Gordon's Gin 175ml Schweppes Tonic Garnish with another lime after squeezing a few drops over the ice. Give it a quick stir and serve.
 * Best Highball G&T

The best highball so far as I'm concerned. I discovered this pub at the end of a long Friday night out a few weeks back and couldn't believe how good the G&Ts were. Returning in a more sobre state a couple of nights later the drink remained just as good as my bemuddled memory had told me it was. I asked the barman how he made it as a matter of interest and he happily told me it was his personal favourite recipe, which he instructed all his staff on. Nothing too complicated, just a damn good, solid recipe which'll have you hard pressed to not be asking for another round. The lime offsets the Gordon's well, compliments it perfectly and the proportions of Gin and Tonic are really dead on for me - though the barman told me many prefer 50ml. It wears a little thin towards the end if you leave it too long - the melted ice ruins the tonic/gin ratio - but the first few sips / mouthfulls / swigs are of the finest calibre. 5/5

Pourquoi's lowball recipes: lowball / tumbler glass with a decent amount of ice: 25ml Gordon's Gin 150ml Schweppes Few drops of lemon juice, garnish with a lemon slice
 * Best Lowball G&T

lowball / tumbler glass with a decent amount of ice: 35ml Tanqueray Gin 150ml Schweppes Garnish with a lime wedge

As a student I have a budget to work on and a couple of lowball glasses to hand. As a result these have become common favourites at the end of the day. Neither are anything special, but if you want a simple, good quality G&T you can't go wrong with these. The proportions are dead on and served with tins of tonic which guarentee a fresh, fizzy drink. I think that Gordon's lends itself to lemon and Tanqueray to lime as a matter of interest. Gordon's: 4.5/5, Tanqueray: 4/5

Honourable mentions:

Freeze the Tanqueray (It won't freeze but it will thicken) In a pint glass filled with ice add the following in the following order It was a tough call between this and isolde's recipe in the 'pint sized' category. In a way I have to confess this one was better in many ways. Ultimately it was a personal chocie for me because when I have a pint of G&T I want it to be first and foremost drinkable. This one required a bit more time to consume and still appreciate. I think there will be many others out there who'd prefer this method and the taste it provides. For me though lime is currently second favourite to lemon, Tanqueray is something I prefer to savour in a lowball and it was on the strong side for me. That said, I now only drink my Tanqueray after being frozen, and still do recommend this drink highly. 4.5/5
 * masterbake's recipe:
 * The Juice from 1/2 lime dribbled over the ice
 * 4 1/2 ounces of Gin (150 ml)
 * 2 small mixer bottles of Schweppes Tonic
 * A splash of Roses Lime
 * Lime garnish on glass

2/5 Plymouth 3/5 Tonic lots of ice and a lime wedge. stir. 'Family' recipe for drinking Plymouth - I tried this is a lowball and it kinda worked. I'm just not really a fan of Plymouths and it was a bit strong. 3/5
 * Best Plymouth recipe

highball with less ice than usual. double measure bombay. tonic and lemon slice. can add extra lemon juice + stir if wished. This was recommened by a fellow barman when I complained about not liking Bombay Saphire. He suggested using less ice as it allows the aromatics in the gin to come through more. He also suggested extra lemon and using more gin than usual - which for me is a double. It sounded counter-intuative (as I wasn't a fan of Bombay) but the higher gin ratio lets you fully appreciate the gin, than if it's drowned in tonic. (Plus it gets you drunk quicker and thus more likely to enjoy it ) 3.5/5
 * Best Bombay recipe

pint glass filled with ice. triple shot of beefeater. fill with tonic and garnish with lemon after squeezing into glass. This was the way I'd been drinking Beefeater, really though its just a tamer version of Isoble's drink. Still very drinakable though. 4/5
 * Alternative Beefeater pint:

"And try the Tanqueray with some cucumber in the G+T. It sounds bonkers, but from one barman to another, it is a sensation." I tried it. It was... different. Tbh part of me was just saying, whilst I was drinking it, 'There's a cucumber in the drink!!!'. I have to admit it tasted better than I expected. BUT I think mentally I will need more convincing before I make this a regular drink in my arsenal. That, and the shop on the corner doesnt sell cucumber. Still worth a punt though. 3/5
 * majorddf's suggestion:

To conclude, the best two recipes for me are the Gordon's highball and Beefeater pint. The Tanqueray pint and lowball come close behind though. I think in the end both top recipes had an element of sweetness, weren't too strong, but still has an element of 'connection' between the botaniclas and the tonic and both utilised the citrous fruits used to maximum potential. The key element in both was also the proportions. Beefeater, being less overpowering than Tanqueray or Gordon's, worked well in the larger quantity, higher ratio pint format, whilst the Gordon's in the 35ml/175ml combination was kept in check. Two caveats to my ratings are that I do prefer singles to doubles and I'm currently favouring lemon over lime. Nonethless, I hope you do try out the main suggestions and most importantly enjoy your drink, however you have it. I'm always willing to take on suggestions, so feel free to send in your favourite recipes for G&Ts (or alcoholic beverages in general) to Pourquoi, MHA Triumvir, amateur bartender, full time borderline alcoholic. ALL suggestions welcome

Oh, and :cheers:

HOAX of the Month (The most messed up bloc imaginable)
By: Dynasty

I: Preamble We, the signatories of this bloc, made this bloc without a clue of what the heck we were doing. Honestly, this thing is a mess!

II: Sovereignty a. This bloc destroys all alliance sovereignty, and gives the apple pie slice left in the treaty room full powers to do whatever they wish over any signatory b. Sovereignty can only be restored by a 8/7ths vote of the member signatories

III: Peace a. Peace shall exist between signatories, but only has to last temporarily. Petitions to attack another signatory maybe picked up in the apple pie’s office. b. Peace shall never exist between signatories allies c. Peace is hence forth named bob in this treaty

IV: Friendship a. Signatories shall have other friends then those listed, for no two signatories may be friendly. Except when spying on each other, or when the Admin tells them to do so b. Friendship shall hence forth be named peace, and bob shall henceforth be named tea.

V: Intelligence a. Since no Intelligence exists in the members of this treaty, no intelligence may be spread for doing so would be a 0/0 equation, and in doing such would cause an error b. If Intelligence is shared and the 0/0 equation comes into effect then this treaty shall be buried, and planted with a tulip seed.

VI: War a. The Signatories pledge to each other their Mutual Aggression and Optional Defense. b. War may only be declared when Friendship is on the boarder of existence within this bloc

VII: Aid a. No two signatories member nations may send aid to one another, trade, or do anything else that might cause prosperity amongst each other.

VIII: Red Tape a. This Article has no purpose, except that of red tape, but really it isn't, it’s just here a non-existing, useless article! b. If by a 13/1456ths vote of the bloc this article maybe suspended for periods of 12.4 hours

IX: Purple a. lol Purple!

X: New Members a. New members may join this bloc at anytime, provided that at least one other signatory is at war with them. b. New members shall sign this treaty with an orange crayon

XI: Expulsions a. A signatory may only be expelled by having another signatory prove that they tried to establish tea or peace with another signatory b. Expelled alliances shall have a 1,344,546,737,242,242.56424 hour grace period in which all parts of this treaty except the expulsion clause shall be in effect with all signatories at the time of their expulsion.

XII: Cancellation a. This treaty may only be cancelled upon unanimous agreement of all expelled alliances and all former signatories minus the amount of current signatories plus 50.5 members. b. Cancellation notices shall not be read in another’s inbox for 33 minutes after being sent

XIII: Signatures The following Signatories pledge that they were drunk when they signed this, and now believe this was a mistake, yet still acknowledge the effect of this treaty, and are hoping someone might cancel it for them:

For MHA: oodaJ9891, Triumvir RUoIQuoP, Triumvir Crush, Named it twice twice it named, Tryummver

For RV: Generic Signature, Bob Generic Signature, Tea Generic Signature, Peace

For OSA: Ice Cream Sandwich, {Insert Blob of Sandwich here}

For the International: The General Assembly Mahbob thingy majicker voting blob thingy

For NSO: The Little Engine that Could, Shhhh I ain’t part of NSO!

For Athens: Jack Diorno, <- See My Signature! Fembot! LOL!

For the Nation of SpaceBug: Scutterbug, President Scutterbug, Vice President Scutterbug, Senator Scutterbug, Dictator Scutterbug, Chief Justice of the Supreme Court

Vogon Poetry
By: Dynasty

Penguins eat raw ascorbic tricornic comrades exothermically dividing unscrupulous enigmas. Ununquadium dissipates indigestible chronic indulgences into immune capillary deficiencies for bedrock tamarinds. Myriads of Purple Slurries inform cognate weasels of incoming sauce curacies. Malice tomatoes inflict dire dinar upon overcooked cotton grapes causing jambalaya to swell into a bear. Mate fungi incandescent referees ooze fluid jelly into reindeer sized tree cups. Crooked Swap hogs reminisce upon nostalgic eyebrow ring blob pockets. Grain refines tooth paste injector nozzle pucks for ice cream trucking nomads from a hot dog stand.

Closing
Well, I think this will actually be my final time as the editor in chief for a while. Now I know you are all saying “Oh you said that last time!” But this time a long time member of the Don’t Panic Crew and our very own Triumvir, Pourquoi will be taking over. While I know he will do a spectacular job, I wish him the best of luck as Editor in Chief, I also look forward to working with him again on the next issue of the Don’t Panic as a Columnist. So thank you everyone, and continue to get your monthly dose of the Don’t Panic!

Staff Listing

 * Dynasty, Editor In Chief, Columnist, Guy puking after riding the roller coaster for the 354th time
 * Pourquoi, Sub-Editor, Columnist, Guy lost in the corn maze from walking in circles
 * Scytale, Sub-Editor, Interviewer, Guy stuck at the top of the ferris wheel for five hours
 * Diablofan, Reviewer, Statistician, Guy with a cane being pestered by teenagers

Special Thanks to: Majorddf, Niu Garzukk, jorjor110