Goon Order of Oppression, Negligence, and Sadism

Announcements

 * Announcement of Existence and Protectorate with NPO/NpO

Preamble
The Goon Order of Oppression Negligence and Sadism (hereafter referred to as "GOONS") is an organization of colonies with its roots in Something Awful Dot Com, and for that we apologize. Anything that is bad or evil on the internet can generally be traced indirectly to Something Awful. We were even sort of responsible for 4Chan. Sorry.

Our primary goal in Cyber Nations is essentially to have fun, bringing to Cyber Nations a sense of irreverence and lighthearted mockery, now with a complete lack of OOC attacks.

1. Admission & Membership.
To become a member of GOONS you have to satisfy the following conditions:
 * 1) you have been a member of the Something Awful forums for more than one month / have been a member of GOONS on the moon or another planet / we really like you
 * 2) you aren't on anyone's hit list (silent s optional on the first word), and you aren't currently at war with anyone.

The leadership of GOONS are the arbiters of who may or may not join. Membership is not closed, but we can choose to be selective. GOONS is not for everyone. Side effects include occasional bouts of sarcasm, loss of boredom, frequent swearing, and persistent erections lasting more than 4 hours (not guaranteed). If you have been diagnosed with taking yourself too seriously, sense of humor deficiency, or persistent screaming nerdrage, consult a doctor before joining GOONS.

2. Government and Closet
Organization

Pilot/Co-Pilot

The Pilot is the ultimate moral, spiritual, and temporal authority in GOONS. If he says jump, we say how high. If he says poop, we ask what color. He is ultimate commander of GOONS in times of peace or war. Documents signed by the Pilot are considered to be the policy of GOONS unless countermanded by him directly. He may overrule any other member of the GOONS closet.

The Co-Pilot is to the Pilot what a Prime Minister is to a president. Unless you're Irish or Russian. In the absence of the Pilot, he speaks with the voice of the Pilot, and is second signatory on all GOONS declarations and treaties. He can overrule any member of the closet other than the Pilot.

Civillian Cabinet

In matters of peace, the civillian cabinet are the government of GOONS. They administer the alliance in all matters foreign and domestic. They are lead by the Secretariat, who acts as director of both foreign and domestic affairs, coordinating and recruiting diplomats, and administering our trade and aid operations. The Secretariat may, at his discretion and with the agreement of the Pilot or Co-Pilot, appoint up to three closet-level deputies.

War Cabinet

In matters of war, the war cabinet are the government of GOONS. They also have a much cooler cabinet room than the civillian cabinet. All monitor screens looking like they're running DEFCON until you realize those are real missiles, and armed guards at every door. It's pretty snazzy. They are led by the Strategos, who acts as director of offensive war and war preparation, including administering the GOONS squad setup, organizing military aid, running readiness drills, developing war tactics and strategy, and raising morale. As such, he may or may not be in charge of the porn bord. Which we may or may not have. You don't find out until you join. The Strategos may, at his discretion and with the agreement of the Pilot or Co-Pilot, appoint up to three closet-level deputies.

GOONS council

The council consists of three closet members-at-large, without portfolio but with input and voting rights. They are the check and balance of the closet and as such are given the duty of being our oversight, as well as reporting to the closet on general conditions on planeet Bob. They are expected to be the voice of GOONS membership, and so should liaise with membership as much as possible to ensure that the ship is kept on course.

Members Emeritus

A closet Member Emeritus is someone who has performed sterling service to GOONS in this or another game, and is such given an advisory position over the fate of GOONS. To be a Member Emeritus, you must have served in a GOONS closet here or elsewhere, but having served does not guarantee you Member Emeritus status. This status is given by nomination and closet vote, or by nomination by the pilot without such vote, and may be taken in the same way.

Debate and Discussion

In other iterations of GOONS, we have had large and elaborate schemes for parliamentary discussion. In most cases these devolve into a status of whoever yells loudest and longest wins the day. To keep things simple, our debate and discussion structure will consist of this:

There will always be a private subforum on the GOONS boards that only members of GOONS can see. Any member can post there and raise any issue they wish, and the Closet commit to discussing any matter that the membership raise. Unless the person raising the matter is trolling or just being a jerk. If the closet do not get back to the membership when a legitimate question is asked, the member asking the question has permission to kick one (1) closet member in the jimmy. (or if the closet member is female, in the jenny).

From time to time, the membership will be called upon to vote on major issues that affect the alliance. Such votes will be binding, and will take place at a time and for a duration of the Pilot's choosing.

3. Elections
During the transitional phase that is the reformation of GOONS, the alliance will be a meritocracy rather than a straightforward democracy. Closet members will be picked based on evident ability rather than plebicite. Once the transitional phase reaches its end, many GOONS closet positions will be directly elected.

4. Trade and aid.
GOONS members have a reasonable expectation that their government will assist them in finding a trade circle and in finding tech deals either as a buyer or a seller. While the government commits to making every effort in these situations, they will not and cannot guarantee any particular result.

In situations where another GOONS member is in need, GOONS may be called upon to make reasonable donations of aid, military and otherwise, to worthy causes.

5. Foreign Relations.
Peacetime

In times of peace, GOONS recognize the sovereignty and security of other alliances. An "alliance" is defined as any group operating under the same Alliance Affiliation with membership of 10 or more. Exceptions may be made both for smaller groups we wish to recognize and larger groups we do not, should the closet so decide.

Unaligned nations are not afforded the protection given to alliance members, and may be attacked at the discretion of individual GOONS members. Should a GOONS member bite off more than he can chew and get beaten up while attacking an unaligned colony, he does not have an expectation of backup from other colonies, unless the beating up comes from members of a recognized alliance, in which case this may be taken as an act of war on their behalf.

Treaties with other alliances, of non-aggression, optional defense, mutual defense, and other forms, may be drafted by the Secretariat, but should not be considered binding on the side of GOONS unless signed by the Pilot or, in his absence, the Co-Pilot.

Wartime

While GOONS will endeavor to maintain peaceful relations with all recognized alliances, they accept that there are times when diplomacy must be continued by other means.

Should GOONS be called upon to make war upon another alliance, either by unilateral decision, or through treaty obligation, war will be declared following either a majority vote of the closet, or unanimous decision of the Pilot, Co-Pilot, and Strategos.

Should a nation, either in a war or outside of a declared war, commit actions considered heinous and reprehensible to GOONS, the closet reserves the right to declare this nation an Enemy Of GOONS, at which point their name will be added to the Enemies Of GOONS list, and they may be attacked at will by GOONS members. Common offenses that may cause EoG status are military violence against a GOONS nation outside of war, military aid to an enemy of GOONS, and continued and incessant provocation. The Pilot and Co-Pilot may unanimously add or remove names from the EoG list, or names may be added by majority vote of the Closet. The list of Enemies will be in a public part of our forum, and those on our Enemies list are permitted one petition per month to be removed, which will be heard by the Strategos or an appointed representative. Removal is not in any way guaranteed, indeed assumption of removal may be used as grounds to keep someone on the list. The expectation is for the petitioner to explain why they should be granted clemency, not the alliance to explain why they should not.

6. Operational Security
Spying is absolutely forbidden in GOONS. Any nation found to be transmitting secure information on GOONS out of the alliance will be removed immediately and placed on the EoG list.

7. Spoilers

 * Verbal Kint is Keyser Sose
 * Rosebud is a sled
 * Bruce Willis is a ghost and only Haley Joel Osment can see him.
 * Jean Loring killed Sue Dibney
 * Tim Robbins died in Vietnam, and the rest of the movie is him hallucinating as he dies.
 * Brad Pitt's wife's head is in the box
 * Everybody at the motel is a personality in the killer's head
 * Edward Norton's character is also Tyler Durden
 * The kind medical technician is the serial killer because he's mad at Denzel Washington.
 * Jason Vorhees is actually his grief stricken mother
 * Mr Orange is an undercover cop.