Goon Order of Oppression, Negligence, and Sadism

The Goon Order of Oppression, Negligence, and Sadism is a Black team alliance founded on April 20, 2009.

Announcements

 * Announcement of Existence and Protectorate with NpO/NPO
 * Holy Writ of GOONS, 33 members, 350k NS, and applicant AA
 * Unimportant GOONS Announcements - Banned traitors
 * Yet Another GOONS Announcement - Umbrella MDoAP
 * Passing notes in class - Mushroom Kingdom MDoAP
 * GOONS Announcement - Jumping the Shark
 * GOONS Announcement, more unimportance itt
 * GOONS Meganouncement, Recruitment/NpO treaty/1 million milestone/EoG #2
 * Pro-Piracy Act of 2009
 * An offer we couldn't refuse - Murder Inc. MDoAP
 * lost goons, wherefore art thou - =LOST= MDoAP
 * GOONS: State of the alliance
 * Disney's newest animated feature!, a brief notification of success - 101 nations
 * GOONS Announcement, Pro Click Zone - Nukes and Council elections
 * GOONS sign unilateral EODP with Mafia
 * Announcement from GOONS
 * GOONS Announcement
 * Murder Inc. merges with Poison Clan, MDoAP with PC
 * Upon a time..., The Black Jesus Treaty - MDoAP with GOD
 * Announcement of Flag Choice
 * The Gernade Punch - Protectorate with Facepunch
 * The Hired GOONS Act
 * OSA - GOONS treaty Source goes froggy
 * They Seem Like "Confirmed Bachelors" to Me - MDoAP with iFOK
 * A Fairytale Story - MDoAP with AO
 * Facepunch Alliance merges into GOONS
 * Forgetful GOONS announcement - what did I come in here for again?

Goon Order of Oppression, Negligence, and Sadism Constitution
Goon Order of Oppression, Negligence, and Sadism Constitution

Preamble
We the People of GOONS, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish injustice, insure domestic Hilarity, provide for the common offense, promote the general Warfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posteriors, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the Goon Order of Oppression, Negligence, and Sadism.

Admission & Membership
To join GOONS you must satisfy the following conditions:

1) You aren't on anyone's hit list (silent s optional on the first word)

2) You are not at war with anybody

3) You are not irredeemably terrible

The Newbie Wrangler is the arbiter of who may or may not join, however, full government members are able to overrule his decisions.

GOONS is not for everyone. Side effects include occasional bouts of sarcasm, loss of boredom, frequent swearing, and persistent erections lasting more than 4 hours (not guaranteed). If you have been diagnosed with taking yourself too seriously, sense of humor deficiency, or persistent screaming nerdrage, consult a doctor before joining GOONS.

Pilot
The Pilot is the ultimate moral, spiritual, and temporal authority in GOONS. If he says jump, we say how high. If he says poop, we ask what color. He is ultimate commander of GOONS. Documents signed by the Pilot are considered to be the policy of GOONS unless countermanded by him directly. He may overrule any other member of the GOONS government. The Pilot has the ability to appoint any position below him if it becomes vacant (including aides), and remove anybody from government who is judged to not be acting in GOONS' best interests.

Co-Pilot
The Co-Pilot is to the Pilot what a Prime Minister is to a president. Unless you're Irish or Russian. In the absence of the Pilot, he speaks with the voice of the Pilot, and is second signatory on all GOONS declarations and treaties. He can overrule any member of the government other than the Pilot. The Co-pilot can appoint assistants and government aides.

Secretariat
The Secretariat acts as director of foreign affairs and coordinating and recruiting diplomats. The secretariat cannot unilaterally sign treaties of any kind, however, he can write and propose them to the rest of the government. The secretariat designs the overall diplomatic direction of the alliance with the consent of the pilot and co-pilot. The Secretariat may, at his discretion and with the agreement of the Pilot or Co-Pilot, appoint up to two government-level assistants.

Strategos
The Strategos acts as director of war and war preparation, including administering the GOONS military structure, organizing military aid, running readiness drills, developing war tactics and strategy, and raising morale. The Strategos may, at his discretion and with the agreement of the Pilot or Co-Pilot, appoint up to two government-level assistants. He may also appoint company commanders and remove them if they are in dereliction of their duty, with the permission of the Pilot or Co-Pilot.

GOONS council
The council consists of four members. The four members who are for all intents and purposes general government. The council's primary job is to assist the other government with the operation of the alliance, paying special heed to the membership through the forums and IRC. Council members may engage in diplomacy but should not make contentious decisions unilaterally.

Members Emeritus
A government Member Emeritus is someone who has performed sterling service to GOONS in this or another game, and is such given an advisory position over the fate of GOONS. To be a Member Emeritus, you must have served in GOONS government. Emeritus status will be denied if you are terrible. This status is given by nomination from Pilot or Co-Pilot, upon completion of term.

Non-Positional Access
From time to time GOONS government may decide to allow people with no official job or position into the government area. These members are to give input about issues facing GOONS, but have no voting rights. Access may be revoked or granted at will by a consensus of government, or Pilot/Co-Pilot decision.

Governmental Assistants
Governmental assistants have access to the governmental section. They are created for specific purposes by the Strategos and Secretariat. Assistants should have a formal title and answer to the person directly above them. Assistants can also be appointed by the Pilot and Co-Pilot.

Governmental Aides
Government aides are elected or appointed to help their higher-gov counterparts. They have a special forum and are allowed to know more about situations as they develop.

Sexretariat: Assists the Secretariat High War Adjudicator: Gives mercy to our enemies on the mercy board, if certain "conditions" are met. Dongmaster: Keeps track of aid Newbie Wrangler : Concentrates on masking, training Platoon Leaders: Lead individual platoons, manage squad leaders.

Petition rights
There will always be a private subforum on the GOONS boards that only members of GOONS can see. Any member can post there and raise any issue they wish, and the Government commit to discussing any matter that the membership raise. Unless the person raising the matter is trolling or just being a jerk. If the government do not get back to the membership when a legitimate question is asked, the member asking the question has permission to kick one (1) government member in the jimmy. (or if the government member is female, in the jenny). Governmental Appointments and Elections The primary method of replacing governmental vacancies will be appointment. If a suitable appointee cannot be found an election will be held. Elections may also be held if the Pilot and Co-Pilot believe somebody is not fulfilling their duties to the fullest, but do not want to outright remove them. If a government member resigns with dignity (read: doesn't delete the forums, post goatse) they are allowed to appoint their successor, if they do not wish to appoint somebody, an election is held automatically.

Trade and aid.
GOONS members have a reasonable expectation that their government will assist them in finding a trade circle and in finding tech deals either as a buyer or a seller. While the government commits to making every effort in these situations, they will not and cannot guarantee any particular result. In situations where another GOONS member is in need, GOONS may be called upon to make reasonable donations of aid, military and otherwise, to worthy causes.

Tech Raiding
In times of peace, GOONS recognize the sovereignty and security of other alliances. An "alliance" is defined as a group of 15 or more. Smaller groups are recognized by the presence of diplomatic ties. Exceptions may be made both for smaller groups we wish to recognize and larger groups we do not, should the government so decide.

Unaligned nations are not afforded the protection given to alliance members, and may be attacked at the discretion of individual GOONS members. Should a GOONS member bite off more than he can chew and get beaten up while attacking an unaligned nation, he does not have an expectation of backup from other nation, unless the beating up comes from members of a recognized alliance, in which case this may be taken as an act of war on their behalf.

Treaties
Treaties with other alliances, of non-aggression, optional defense, mutual defense, and other forms, may be drafted by the Secretariat, but should not be considered binding on the side of GOONS unless signed by the Pilot or, in his absence, the Co-Pilot.

Wartime
While GOONS will endeavor to maintain peaceful relations with all recognized alliances (except FEAR), they accept that there are times when diplomacy must be continued by other means. Should GOONS be called upon to make war upon another alliance, either by unilateral decision, or through treaty obligation, war will be declared following either a majority vote of the government, or decision of the Pilot.

Enemy of GOONS (EoG)
Should a nation, either in a war or outside of a declared war, commit actions considered heinous and reprehensible to GOONS, the government reserves the right to declare this nation an Enemy Of GOONS, at which point their name will be added to the Enemies Of GOONS list, and they may be attacked at will by GOONS members. Common offenses that may cause EoG status are military violence against a GOONS nation outside of war, military aid to an enemy of GOONS, and continued and incessant provocation. The Pilot and Co-Pilot may unanimously add or remove names from the EoG list, or names may be added by majority vote of the Government. The list of Enemies will be in a public part of our forum, and those on our Enemies list are permitted to petition the High War Adjudicator. Removal is not in any way guaranteed, indeed assumption of removal may be used as grounds to keep someone on the list. The expectation is for the petitioner to explain why they should be granted clemency, and for the petitioner to entertain GOONS.

Operational Security
Spying is absolutely forbidden in GOONS. Any nation found to be transmitting secure information on GOONS out of the alliance will be removed immediately and placed on the EoG list.

Amendments
The charter can be amended at any time for any reason by the GOONS government. Such a change may only be done by the Pilot and a majority vote of the government.

Spoilers
Verbal Kint is Keyser Sose.

Rosebud is a sled.

Bruce Willis is a ghost and only Haley Joel Osment can see him.

Jean Loring killed Sue Dibney.

Tim Robbins died in Vietnam, and the rest of the movie is him hallucinating as he dies.

Brad Pitt's wife's head is in the box.

Everybody at the motel is a personality in the killer's head.

Edward Norton's character is also Tyler Durden.

The kind medical technician is the serial killer because he's mad at Denzel Washington.

Jason Vorhees is actually his grief stricken mother.

Mr Orange is an undercover cop.