Don't Panic Edition 24

This is the External Version of the 24th Edition of the Mostly Harmless Alliance's newsletter, the Don't Panic. Also note that many of the Colors, functions, and Images typically found on a Don't Panic are absent in this article. The 24th Edition was published on September 8, 2009.

Don't Panic
Note: Generally Statistics and the image of the Don't Panic are located here

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” Margaret Mead

Now you may be wondering what that has to do with the Don't Panic or even the MHA for that matter. Well, it has a lot to do with MHA. It is telling us never to doubt that just because there are a few of us trying to make it better for the many, and whether you look at that from the view of MHA to the rest of CN, or from the view of the MHA government and active members to the rest of the alliance is your choice. But what it is saying is to never give up on the goals we set out to accomplish merely because we are only a few of the many. Whether it's our goal to be the #1, or more democratic, or more hoopy froody; or whether it is your goal of making a change in MHA, getting your nation to be the #1 nation, or even something else altogether; you can do it! In fact, only people like you have ever really made the difference that we are seeking. So now with those inspirational words, it’s time for the news!

MHA is Three Years Old!
By: Jadoo1989

Hello all you Hoopy Froods!

This edition of Don’t Panic is a very special edition for all of us. We deliberately pushed the release of the paper to today for a very special reason: MHA turns 3! That’s right! Today, Wednesday, September 9, 2009, is MHA’s third birthday! We’ve come a long way. As a treat, I have personally interviewed some of our longer serving members who still remain active to see just how far they believe the MHA has come.

Scutterbug: “Since really becoming active after the forum drama those months ago in Feb, I have seen a lot change and helped change a lot also. It was down to me and the staff I hired to turn the MoH, a dead ministry, into one of the most active. Since then, the other ministers also getting into power have done the same with their ministries. In the last month alone with all the programs running we have seen the alliance grow massively and activity levels I believe are at a new high.”

WCR: Starting off in the MHA, we were a rag tag bunch of nobodies with a neutral agenda, few allies, and the excitement of a new adventure. We have progressed through hard work, unity, and an uncanny ability to always better ourselves. Our hoopy spirit has seen us succeed while others fail; our unique community has ensured that we do our best and work hard - but always have fun while doing it; and our awesome allies have maintained our security and prosperity through some very dark times. I am amazed, but not surprised, at where we are today. We deserve it, we worked for it, and we will continue to do so for years to come.

Doc Taco: “I am so proud of how far we have come. I joined in January 2007 and I remember when we broke 100 members and when we used to only give out 25K in starter aid. By far our proudest moments were getting sanctioned, building and maintaining our extremely close relationship with the Grämlins; fighting the Legion in GWIII, GOONS in the UJW and IRON this spring; and keeping our unique alliance culture and traditions in spite of massive personnel turnover and 3 years of time. Stay Froody MHA.”

Although Denzin is not here to celebrate our third birthday with us, much of what we are and what we have accomplished is because of his hard work directly and the hard work of those like him. The following was written by WCR in Denzin’s honor: “As I write this mate, the alliance is preparing to celebrate our 3rd birthday and sadly you are not here to celebrate with us. But I still want to thank you once again for everything you did for us; for being the outstanding Hitchhiker that you were, for giving so much of yourself to this silly little internet game we played. It hasn't been the same since you left, but I hope we would have made you proud nonetheless. And while we may have seemed to have moved on, please know we will always honor and remember you, our lost Hitchhiker.”

In 3 years, many of you have seen fellow hitchhikers come, go, and come back again. You’ve seen us rise from the very depths of the CN alliance rankings to the third ranked alliance in the Cyberverse. Many of you have stuck with the alliance through trials and tribulations – the good times as well as the bad ones. You’ve been angry over some events and have celebrated over others with your fellow hitchhikers. In reality, we are many people spread out across the globe, but here, we’re family. Differences of culture, race, geographical location, religion, or political views do not hinder us. The success of our alliance has depended upon the strengths, talents, and dedication of our amazing membership. We are many hands working toward a single, united goal. Today, we see the fruits of our labor. Today, we celebrate all that we’ve worked to achieve. So, to all hitchhikers past, present, and future who may be reading this, remember… the contributions that all of you have made or will make have left a mark on the lives of many. Wherever you go and whatever you do, remember that we are all hitchhikers and wherever life may take us, our legacy and bond will not be forgotten. Keep your towel with you and continue to be hoopy froods.

Happy birthday MHA!!

Triumvir Election
By: Dynasty

Well there are two parts to the story this month; The First One being a Triumvir replacement, and the second being the regular elections. The Triumvir replacement happened when Shamshir, who'd said he'd be gone for a short spell, ended up going MIA for much longer than expected. In accordance with the charter he was deemed inactive leaving the government to take appropriate action which ended up with a new Triumvir being selected from the Ministries. In the end, the Minister of Hitchhikers, Pourquoi, was chosen to fill Shamshir’s vacancy. So congrats go to Pourquoi, whilst our best wishes are with Shamshir.

The Second part is of course the monthly September election, in which Celen Azrael, Crushtania, and King CJC went at it in the traditional three man race. After the flames and flare, Crushtania ended up winning the Triumvir election! As such we’d like to wish him the best of luck leading MHA forward.

Ministry Changes
By: Dynasty and Pourquoi

The Ministry saw plenty of changes this past month. With Pourquoi rising to Acting Trium status there was need for the appointment of two new leaders of the MoH. DMoH Denisov gladly took the Minister position and wasted no time in appointing rblount27 as his deputy. Meanwhile a nifty switch took place in the MoBP with Jadoo1989 moving from Deputy to Minister and Scytale moving from Minister to Deputy. Finally King Merton had to step down from his Deputy position due to rl commitments. We wish him well and welcome in the new DMoDF Espressoville.

So that leaves the MHA government looking like this:

Triumvirate: ScutterBug, Crushtania, Pourquoi

'''Minister of HitchHikers: Denisov Deputy: rblount27 Minister of Towels: Draden Valerianovich Deputy: Iamrecognized Minister of BabelFish: KingCJC Deputy: yankeefan2 Minister of Bad Poetry: Jadoo1989 Deputy: Scytale Minister of Destructor Fleets: pudge1975 Deputy: Espressoville'''

Hunting Drive
By: Pourquoi

For a long time now, 'Ghosts' have been a topic of discussion within the alliance. In particular the issue of whethere they should be busted? It's a controversial issue, but one that this columnist has always had a firm view on - if you ain't a member you have no right to be on our AA. And so it is unsurprising that when you put someone with that view in charge of the MoH it's likely that some sort of ghostbusting drive would take off... and it has. The 'Hunting Drive', as we prefer to call it in the MoH, has been taken up with vigour by a determined staff trawling through our records to identify ghosts. Once identified attempts are made to recruit the ghost, then shoo the ghost off our AA and then they are finally handed over to the MoDF for ultimatum + busting.

The Drive has been ongoing now for a good few weeks and, as anyone who's checked out our Alliance stats, has already yielded results, with our membership dropping by some 50/60 members, and our average strength surging in return. rblount27, our new Hunting Secretary, provided me with these stats which are correct as of the 20th of August:

95 ghosts identified 10 have deleted 16 voluntarily removed our AA 11 have applied 3 are now official members 28 have been sent to the MoDF

Pudge provided the following stats on 08/18 about the nations we've sent over to the MoDF 5 have deleted 2 have changed alliances 3 are being engaged

If you ask me this has been a resounding success as a project, which has succeeded mainly because of the dedication from the Hunting Staff, led by our new Acting MoH Denisov and backed by a brilliant team. Special thanks also go to Ultimate747 who provided the initial blue-prints for the drive and pudge for his work and determination to get a ghostbusting drive going.

Gladitorial Competition
By: Scytale

The air is filled with the smell of old blood, metal and sweat. There’s light filtering in from the open windows high above. A person goes by and head towards the weapons rack. He goes through testing them for balance, sharpness and quality. He tries each one with masterful expertise but is not satisfied with any of them. He finally picks one and heads towards the gates.

Outside, the pre-entertainment is coming to an end. You can hear the finale of the entertainers and musician. The crowd gets louder cheering into the end and the coming of the main event. The roar of the crowd slowly builds up further. The gate keepers are keeping the doors closed to let the crowd reach a crescendo. Finally, the doors open and the gladiators walk onto the field of battle where the roar becomes deafening. This is the gladiator battle the crowd has been waiting for!

The Mostly Harmless Alliance just finished the first gladiatorial contest between six players on the TE arena. There were a lot of missteps and mistakes and we worked through them. Overall, we learned a lot from this experience and are planning to hold more. So come one come all to the Mostly Harmless Gladiatorial Games!

Congratulations to Pudge1975 as the winner of the first gladiatorial games of the Mostly Harmless Alliance. We’d also like to thank the support of the Mostly Harmful Alliance (TE alliance. No relations. We just have a lot of common players)

IRON surrender terms end
By: Scytale

Hey, what was that? Over there. No, the other direction towards the OWF, in the Amazing Sanction race. Do you see IRON? It’s really coming up strong. What happened you ask? Their peace terms ended and were released. Some were not happy about releasing IRON because they did not stick strictly to the agreement. Some even put it as not taking the agreement seriously at all and considered not releasing IRON from their peace terms. But, it is in the opinion of this writer that it was the hoopy thing to do. Besides, from the MHA point of view we gave them white peace anyhoo. I for one really enjoyed fighting them and if payment was needed, that was enough. So I say congratulations on your release IRON and we look forward to a new battle on the sanctions race.

Today's Hoax: Scutterbug is amassing a kitty army!
Inspired By: Scutterbug, and the writer wishes to remain anonymous

Hello I am reporting from Red Dwarf, Space Bug where the leader of Space Bug, Scutterbug is amassing a kitty army. It’s absolutely dramatizing! It all started back when Space Bug met a tough decision, whether to cut the military and risk being invaded or add working citizens to the military and risk having the economy fall into economic collapse. Scutterbug was however determined to make sure that the nation of Space Bug would have a solid military and a solid economy, so he ordered every statistic of Space Bug to his desk and after three days of no sleep came upon a statistic showing that there were over one hundred million stray and wild cats in Space Bug due to the precise climate of Space Bug for raising kittens. As such Scutterbug immediately called in two veterinarians and his top general and asked how they could get an army of cats and kittens so as to keep the economy strong and the military stronger. They collaborated for hours before coming up with the perfect plan, first they would start gathering wild and stray cats, they would then initiate a cat draft. Soon the kitten army amassed to over twelve million! They then taught the cats to fight, since all cats native to Space Bug are natural fighters anyways it was an easy task. Since all but one nation that boarders Space Bug has populations that are at least 99.99% allergic to cats, it was perfect. The remaining nation belongs to the MHA, so there was no need to worry there. As such Space Bug also is using its kitten army to help enforce its laws which is actually quite successful since almost every citizen of Space Bug is paranoid of stepping on a kitten all they do is send a huge amount of kittens in, stopping any perpetrator in their tracks. Reporting from Red Dwarf, Space Bug I am the anonymous reporter.

The Don't Panic riddles
Collected and Partially written by: Dynasty

What does a shoe, a person, and South Korea have in common? Answer in Spoiler: [spoiler]A: They all have a Sole/Soul/Seoul[/spoiler]

'''When I left, I didn't know where I was going; when I got there, I didn't know where I was; when I returned, I didn't know where I had been. Who was I?''' Answer in Spoiler: [spoiler]Christopher Columbus - when he found the Americas.[/spoiler]

'''Here on Earth it's always true, that a day follows a day. But there is a place where yesterday always follows today! Where is that place?''' Answer in Spoiler: [spoiler]In a dictionary.[/spoiler]

'''Peter celebrated his birthday on one day, and two days later his older twin brother, Paul, celebrated his birthday. How could this be?''' Answer in Spoiler: [spoiler]When the mother of the twins went into labor, she was travelling by boat. The older twin, Paul, was born first, barely on March 1st. The boat then crossed a time zone, and the younger twin was born on February the 28th. In a leap year the younger twin celebrates his birthday two days before his older brother.[/spoiler]

Vogon Poetry:
By: Dynasty

Oldspurr temporiums escalate indocanation through embodied penumbras interceding pumpkin pie classes. Ordinary Walrus hallucinates causing bagpipe cleaning deposits to flambéed current yimahlishes. Jokers incinerate delectable cookie flowers for trespassing frogs and miniscule trilobites. Endoplasmic Reticulum’s polo germinate tassel and calks us readings in order to inebriate colored platypuses. Umbrellas Spread Floccinaucinihilipilification squirrels into escaping widowed hot dog stands for the enlarged plate of pasta. Grand hooligans race fur coat reindeer across melting toilets causing tail wind furriers to collapse and supersede elastic membranes. Fishy ghosts entangle ghastly logs through storming glazed glass acorns across long viaducts and sculptures. Drowning Monkeys elaborate grand piano sized mushrooms into thinking of beaches without mustard for the principles of toga wearing and grasshopper weaving. Intergalactic polygraphs indicate large hurricane force feathers trampling million day old popsicles for eight juggles of a powers swinging eggplant. Treacherous traitorous igloos melt freezing hippopotamuses into forming catastrophic unions which yell at orange kite falling near large white blueberries. Rectangular trees tease generous owls for violation toll and harmless abstaining against penguins.

[color=#8000FF][b][size=150] A word from the editor:[/size][/b][/color] I must say that writing one of these don’t panics sure is hard! I mean there’s thing after thing to write about and only so much time. However, I won’t tell you how we do it, after all the don’t panic crew never tells their secret! I would also like to give a big thanks to all the staff that helped me put this together, since this was my first time as Editor in Chief it was all that much more [s]challenging[/s] fun. Any ways thanks for reading, this Editor and Chief is now going to relax, knowing this edition is finished!

Staff Listing
Scytale: Sub-Editor, Interviewer and Columnist, Guy who finally got some vodka

Pourquoi: Sub-Editor, Columnist, Guy that ordered a wall to guard his stationary cabinet, our newest trium

Dynasty: Editor In Chief, Chief Reporter, Guy with a stapler that gives tours to find the stationary cabinet

Jadoo1989: Minister, Columnist, Guy with a dark purple mask who showed up with a helping hand

Special Thanks to: Scorn, Jerdge, rblount27, Pudge1975