The Tabloid Tribune

The Tabloid Tribune is a series of light hearted publications made by Sir Paul, of the New Pacific Order. TTB takes aim in a humorous way at current events around the Cyberverse that are affecting the Order (or that are just plain amusing.

Issue #145
 The Tabloid Tribune  One Step Ahead of the Truth Since September 2003

World Edition - Pacifican Edition

Published on June 24, 2009

Tabloid Tribune's Fourth Season
Spartan Planes Flying Over Arseanistan in Celebration of the Relaunch of the Tabloid Tribune

Springfield, SIR PAUL - After being on hiatus for several months, the Tabloid Tribune is back in action, releasing it's 145th issue. As many of you know, the various alliances of Planet Bob have been helping in the celebrations with fireworks and flyovers in nearly every nation in the Order. The Tabloid Tribune is happy to be back and will be upholding it's creed from the day it was founded by Pacifican Senator Bertram Strantous:

"Honest Reporting for an Honest Reader. Honest."

It is in that spirit that the Tabloid Tribune is launched. In keeping with other traditions, all images that require touch-up are done poorly with MS Paint, all authors are credited, and all quotes are taken out of context. With that, please enjoy our humble paper.

Yours Truly and in before TWiP is better,

Sir Paul, Imperial Clerk The Tabloid Tribune - One Step Ahead of the Truth Proudly Part of PNN __________

Moo Declares Mission Accomplished in NPO-OV War
The Emperor addresses Pacifican seamen in the Green Gulf.

Duffys Doniker, Ordo Verde - With much fanfare, the Emperor himself flew into the Ordo Verde warzone and landed on the NPS Undefeated to greet the crew and let them know that the New Pacific Order's mission in Ordo Verde has been accomplished.

The war started after two days of negotiations when OV diplomats informed the NPO that their spy would not be subjected to one round of wars. Just before midnight, server time, Pacifican Troops entered Ordo Verde, captured the spy, and subjected him to several rounds of war. Having punished the spy, the Order has achieved its objective in the NPO-OV war and has declared that the major combat phase of the operation is over.

Pacifican troops are now exiting Ordo Verde and will press no further attacks within their borders. The Emperor stated that "our sovereignty is absolute and will be defended vigorously." While many accuse the Emperor of starting a war, some scholars believe that many alliances were attempting to provoke the Order into a war by infringing on sovereignty, as evidenced by the disappointment in this thread.

Imperial Officers are currently working with an inter-alliance coalition on an exit strategy. --- Written by Sir Paul The Tabloid Tribune - One Step Ahead of the Truth Proudly Part of PNN __________

New Pacific Order to Join Frostbite
New bloc expected to be awesome

Pierconium, New Sith Order - In an astounding breakdown in Operational Security, it was revealed that the New Pacific Order will become part of the Frostbite treaty bloc at the conclusion of the war. Tygaland, long known for his straight talk and devil-may-care attitude let slip the plan to eventually bring the New Pacific Order into the fold.

The plot was first discovered by ChairmanHal of Valhalla, who kept dropping his nickels until all became clear. Frostbite consists of The Liquor Cabinet, the New Polar Order, the New Sith Order and the Siberian Tiger Alliance. Each group has been somewhat at odds with the New Pacific Order:


 * Electron Sponge, while leader of Polaris, systematically destroyed Pacifican allies GOONS and FAN and later helped lead the anti-Pacifican group Vox Populi.


 * Tygaland, leader of STA, started the Great Patriotic War, the only war that Pacifica did not win, and has been an outspoken critic of Emperor Revenge.


 * Ivan Moldavi, creator of the Moldavi Doctrine, Moldavi Rebellion and Moldavi-Mango-Mama (an alcohol-free beverage), has recruited Pacificans and fought against the Hegemony during the recent conflict.


 * AlmightyGrub, current leader of Polaris and former Arctic Champion, recently canceled his Pacifican treaty and formed a bloc with the aforementioned anti-Moos.

While it may seem inconceivable for the Order to join a treaty with these four alliances, the move actually makes perfect sense: they've all worked together before, they all have a common ancestry, and they all are mistrustful of the Dutch.

In a statement released by VektorZero, it was revealed that "the members of Frostbite and the Pacific Order believe that we've screwed each other so much that at this point getting married seems like the only practical course of action."

When trying to reach Ivan Moldavi for comment, staff was told that he could not be reached due to a secret meeting regarding bringing the New Pacific Order into Frostbite. --- Written by Sir Paul The Tabloid Tribune - One Step Ahead of the Truth Proudly Part of PNN Relevant Link

Issue #146
 The Tabloid Tribune  One Step Ahead of the Truth Since September 2003

World Edition - Pacifican Edition

Published on June 27, 2009

World Edition Now Censored For Your Protection
You can't handle the truthiness

Springfield, SIR PAUL - According to MHA Triumvir Crushtania, the Tabloid Tribune is dedicated to bringing you "complete and utter lies masquerading as Alliance Announcements." I would like to gently correct my right honorable friend and ally to inform him that the Tabloid Tribune has and will always hold the following creed to heart:

"Honest Reporting for an Honest Reader. Honest."

It is in that spirit that we bring the raw news to you, completely unaltered by thought, reason, facts, and proper spelling. Indeed, the entire Karma war is (so I'm told) about freedom of expression, and letting every person say what ever they wanted to without consequence. However, due to the delecate sensibilities of some parties, it has become clear to the editorial staff that the world is unable to handle the pure, unadulterated truth that springs fully formed from my mind, as Athena from the skull of Zeus.

It is the Promise of Pacifica to promote "Peace, Strength, and Prosperity" and as such, the World Edition of the Tabloid Tribune shall be censored to protect the public peace. For those of you who are of stronger constitution and want to know what is REALLY happening in the world of Cybernations, please feel free to check out the Pacifican Edition of the Tabloid Tribune, exclusively offered on our forums.

I thank the reading public for bearing with us as we make the transition to censored news, and promise that even censored, we shall stay "One step ahead of the truth."

Best Wishes and in before #145 was better,

Sir Paul Imperial Clerk __________

NPO-MK Upgrade Treaty to PITA
Archon's Castle is prepared for the signing ceremony

Pen Island, Mushroom Kingdom - As is known throughout the Cyberverse, the New Pacific Order and the Mushroom Kingdom are the best of friends. Together, they have a joint-powers authority that runs CN Radio, Bros and Dilber are regular drinking buddies, and the Peace Intelligence and Aid Treaty (PIAT) that binds them is one of the most famous on Planet Bob. However, all things must change and the relationship between these two alliances have gotten to the point that they have decided to upgrade the treaty.

Lord High Vanguard of Mushroom Kingdom Gruthenia made a statement today acknowledging that "the agreement with the NPO is really a PITA. From the signing of the treaty to today, this has been the biggest PITA in Mushroom Kingdom history and I'm finally glad both sides are recognizing this obvious fact."

Imperial Officer hawk_11 has similar feelings. "It seems every time I see a member of the Mushroom Kingdom post, I think of what a PITA it is to be linked to them."

A PITA, of course, is a Peace, Intelligence, Truth and Aid treaty. The original PIAT had a clause that stated "Each member of each alliance shows general good will, and appreciation for the other." However, the bonds of friendship and brotherhood are so strong that the members can be honest with one another. Thus, the addition of the Truth clause, which lets the members tell each other what they really think of each other.

The Order celebrates this new era of honesty and is excited that the PITA is real and present every day.

--- Written by Sir Paul The Tabloid Tribune - One Step Ahead of the Truth Proudly Part of PNN __________

CENSORED
We're bringing CENSORED back.

This article on CENSORED has been deemed inappropriate by CENSORED and as such is only available in the Pacifican Edition, which can be viewed here.

--- Written by Sir Paul The Tabloid Tribune - One Step Ahead of the Truth Proudly Part of PNN __________

The King is Dead? Long Live the Queen!
Mary being coronated as Emperor of the Order

Reporting from Francograd and Arseanistan - The Tabloid Tribune has received unconfirmed reports that Emperor Revenge, the Divine Bovine, Moo-Cows with Guns, the founder of Moo-Tang Clan, is dead at age 26. What is known is that the Emperor left the safety of Francograd to lead his home nation of Arseanistan in beating back the Karmic Horde. Sanitation conditions in Arseanistan are abominable as more tactical nuclear warheads have been detonated on their previous fertile soil than any nation in the history of Planet Bob. Due to this situation, the H1N1 flu was able to jump from avian to swine to humans to bovines.

Upon learning of the Emperor's infection, the Imperial Clerk had laden two African swallows with a get-well bouquet of flowers and a request for an update from the Emperor's veterinarian. What returned was the Emperor's sash, stained with the Blood of Franco, Unlimited, Ivan, Dilber, and now Revenge. Taking this as a sign of the Emperor's death, or at least incapacitation, the Clerk, by tradition, presented the sash to the Regent in the North Tower of the five-sided fortress and said "You are Emperor now. What will you have us do?"

"All that is required" replied Mary.

She was later coronated in a public ceremony in the Body Republic and addressed the assembled members:

"All of this has happened before, and all of this will happen again. Today, Revenge has played the part of Franco, and I am playing the role of Poskrebyshev. Five years before, we were under siege. The enemy was at our gates. The world was united in the quest for our destruction, and our Emperor had died away from the Capital battling the unwashed horde. However, that tragedy rallied the people of Pacifica and we beat back the invaders, protecting our homes, our lives, and our freedom.

"Today, it is my honor, my burden, and my destiny to wear this sash, to bear this crown, to hold this sword, and to lift these people known as Pacificans against outrageous odds, impossible numbers, and infinite hate.

"Today, we fight as we have fought before, and shall emerge from this crucible of war not broken and scattered in a Diaspora, but strong and united as Pacificans."

Mary the Fantabulous has the honor of being the first Female Emperor of the Order and fourth to lead the Cybernations Pacificans. She currently resides in Rothinzil, soon to be the most nuked nation on Planet Bob.

[ooc]The Emperor has been hospitalized due to complications from contracting H1N1 and as such he is currently unfit to attend to matters of state. Please send all outragous demands to Mary, Queen of Pacificans.[/ooc] --- Written by Sir Paul The Tabloid Tribune - One Step Ahead of the Truth Proudly Part of PNN